HAPPY 2014!

Let me just say it straight. I am expecting a lot from 2014. Like seriously. These past two years have been such a fricker that 2014 would top it easily.


First of all, I’m not doing a rant thing about how bad 2013 was. It’s all in this blog. I posted here in times I felt the lowest. I received a notification that this was my first year anniversary here and in 17 posts, I have shared what I felt. Of course some of those 17 were super stupid stuff like book reviews and stories and what I decided to do with this blog whatever stuff, but you know what I mean. I’ll give you a summary of 2013 though, by month.

  1. January – I don’t really remember a lot of stuff from this month, I think I got my haircut in January though.
  2. February – My birthday! A good month.
  3. March – Mom came home and brother graduated elementary and school ended. Great month?
  4. April-July – Okay month. Came to America and all. Felt relaxed but homesick.
  5. August – School starts. EEHHHH.
  6. September-now – EEEEEHHHHHHHH. Feeling lonely bc no close friends. (And also, can’t seem to read books bc no time or lazy???)

Okay. That was pretty short, comparing to my other posts and summaries, don’t blame me, I like details.

I actually haven’t thought about what I’d want to change about me in the year of our Lord 2014. I mean, I have thought about it but I can’t think of a specific one. I just feel like I want to change everything about me. My body, my attitude, my personality. Dayum. That is a looooooooot of work.


So here’s what I want [actually, need (sn: I mean, I had a little chat in my mind with the Lord that I didn’t really need but idek, I need it for the sake of my happiness?) ] to happen:

  •  be thinner and therefore prettier
  • have close and bestfriends whom I can tell everything
  • money
  • nice clothes bc thinner
  • friends
  • stop procrastination
  • sleep earlier
  • I don’t really need higher grades but I need better classes like AP and Honors stuff

Now, to achieve that, I have nooooooo idea what to do.

I also want to try a lot of stuff:

  • that jar thing I always see on tumblr
  • fix my hair myself
  • learn how to apply make up (???)
  • read more books
  • less tv shows
  • daily diary (but we all know that will never happen)
  • better life
  • be thin
  • like seriously that will solve 40% of my problems
  • i mean, my problems aren’t that serious but whatever

I will try to edit stuff here to add stuff because I always read my wordpress stuff.

You know, according to my horoscope on this one app that I have on my phone, I will have like a lot better personal life (it says that i’ll have beautiful thing with someone and also amazing family life (I already have a good one but whatever)). BUT but but but my career will have ups and downs??? Like what does that even mean? I don’t have a career! Unless it means school?? I CANNOT have that ups and downs in school. I only need UPS when my grades are involved. OKAY. I could care less about my lovelife (HA HA HA HA) but my grades need to be up. Or it can mean work? But I only file stuff so that cannot be it. HAHAHA. I am overthinking this  but I frankly do not care because I think I’m the only one who could see this hahahaha. I tried searching for more horoscope stuff but I don’t trust them so nevermind lol


All in all, I just really wish this year would be awesome. I really need a good year. Please 2014, be amazing. 00


HAHAAHHAHAHAHA. I am seriously so freaking lonely. I don’t even know why. Actually, I know why. It’s because I have no fucking friends. I literally have nothing going on in my life expect school. Fucking school. I have friends, sure. But will I ever be their first freaking choice? One of their close friends? I don’t see that happening. I’m trying my freaking best to be a good person here but I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I seriously don’t know.

Before, I was so confident with myself. I will make friends. But now, I’m starting to doubt myself. Am I not interesting? Is it because all of my stories are on repeat and are about the Philippines? Is it because no one cares about my stories because no one knows about it? They say I should just wait, it takes time. But even my freaking brother has friends and stuff. He goes somewhere! I literally haven’t been in one event by my friends that’s not tennis involved. I haven’t been to one friend’s house. No one has been in my house. My brother, my sometimes I think is antisocial brother, was invited to a game today. And he went. Even my brother has something going on! I know I shouldn’t compare but I just can’t help it. It’s making me so lonely and shit. I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me, I’ll never ever be close to someone in my entire life. I probably will but in like years to come and that’s so far away. I’m just so tired of feeling invisible. Is it because I’m ugly and chubby? I don’t know. I’m trying my hardest to be nice to everyone but I’m just plain boring, I guess. I really hate my life right now. Even if I do go back to the Philippines, I’d still hate it because I think I’d be so stupid and not be in anything because I’m a talentless shit. It hurts so fucking much because I’m so fucking useless, I can’t do anything right. Look at my classes, they’re all so low like I’m supposed to be in geometry, not a algebra. I keep thinking that it’s just because my counselor assumed I should be in algebra but it’s probably because of my test scores and such. I’m so tired of feeling this way but that’s just me. A talentless shit. I am seriously not good in anything, I’m so scared of the future. I’m a talentless, worthless shit.

I want to get something off my mind or heart or whatever

Okay. Hello. I’m sorry, I know I don’t really write here a lot but I just don’t know what to do in here. I don’t have anyone waiting for my posts or anything like that and I’m always too lazy to write here. But don’t worry, today I’m gonna try hard.

So, you know how I’m in America right? And you know how I didn’t know anyone my age before school started and now we’re 3 months more or less in school and I know an okay amount of people. In that okay amount of people, most of them are in my classes and I’m not as close to anyone as I want to be. I’m just really terrified. What if I won’t be close to anyone ever because I have no idea how to be close to anyone?! What if everyone would just treat me like you know, a friend but no one would ever ever treat me as a close fiend or a best friend? What if I’ll never ever be someone’s first choice? I know, I’m being paranoid but at the same time I think I’m being a realist too. And yes, I know that it’s only been three months and all but what if the same things will happen in the remaining months and all my relationships won’t develop and I will forever be a friend for everyone but never a best friend? Seriously, I would want just one or two people to be my best friends. I would tell them anything and all and they would tell me anything and whenever they’re doing anything I’d be their first choice? Actually, it’s okay if they don’t tell me anything but I just want to be someone’s first choice, you know? I’m just really scared. You know I think that no one ever thinks about me like I think about people. Like how I think about Kristeen because she’s one of my closest friends here (not even that close), but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t think about me, at all. She may think about me when she sees me or something but I don’t think she ever thinks about me just because. Okay, this is a friendly thing, Sam stop thinking about stuff, you dirty minded girl. Like how I think about Will because he’s funny and all that but I don’t think he thinks about me. They have other choices – ehem, people they have to think about. I mean, I really don’t know if people do and think the stuff I do but you know, assuming they do. I know this is shallow compared to other people’s problems but it’s a problem and they NEED to be solved. I just don’t know how. I personally think that my socialization with other people is a good one. But I just don’t know. Maybe my personality just isn’t likable. I’m so tired of this though. Worrying whether people will like what I do or not. I just wanna do stuff and not be worried if someone would like me because we’re already that close. I want to go out and all but in those three months, I haven’t gone out with anyone except Bushra. And that was once. ONCE. I’m so tired of worrying and stressing, okay. The only thing that cheers me up is the fact that I’m still a freshman. But I worry about my relationships with people. Is it enough? Why don’t I have anyone I’m close with? I want to be myself around people but I’m usually not. I’m serious and whatever but I am childish and immature! Or am I? I’m only 14! I cannot have an existential crisis or whatever. I keep on telling myself excuses why but I just know, deep in my mind, that the problem is me. I’m so ugh. I just really want a close friend, or much better a best friend. Much like my relationship and connection with my friends in the Philippines. Yes, I know I’ve been with my closest, bestest friends for a lot of years now BUT there’s one exception, Titat. I mean, I knew Titat before but that was it. She was just another kid from a rival school. Then she was my seatmate and we got close and everything. The fact that she was my seatmate all day probably added to that but she was part of our group in no time. Maybe also the fact that Daboie liked her but whatever. Still, we were pretty close even in the first freaking months. And also, I see all these people from my school who were from different middle schools and were close now and it was only because of summer school! It was for two freaking months. Maybe I chose the wrong people or whatever. But I wish I didn’t because the people I met are great. I just need more… connection. And I keep thinking I had a lot of common things with most people that I meet. Like, that’s just not possible you know, but I think I have common things. Boys aren’t even my problem like I do not care about them right now, I just really need best friends. And the reason I’m probably rushing into this is because of the movies I see and tv shows I see like everyone just have that bestest friends ever and I want that okay. I mean yes, the HIMYM gang met in college and after college and the Bridesmaids couple were friends since they were kids. Can’t I have that though? Can’t I? The kind of relationship the Awkward people have? I mean, not the issues they have but they’re closeness and stuff. They were also probably friends since kids so nevermind. Ah! You know what I mean. I know I’m a freshman and all that and I know it’s too early but I’m just having problems. What if I would have relationships like these to everyone in my whole life? I just can’t bear that. I have a perfect life in my head, even though I don’t have any specifics but I am picturing a while life and it’s perfect, okay. It’s so perfect. And I can’t have that if I have these kinds of relationships. I want my life to be like the books and movies. Like how that one girl got popular just because she’s nice. But I am nice and no one likes me.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

I’m still not sure if it’s a rant or review or whatever so just bear with me.

So I watched Sea of Monsters today. I’m not sure what I feel though. I mean, I loved the first parts, I was fangirling, even (yes during the movie) but when they got to the Sea of Monsters, right after the yacht part, I don’t know but the feeling started decreasing and decreasing wherein by the end of the movie, I wasn’t feeling excited nor hateful. There were scenes [in the Sea of Monsters part] where it made me laugh but when Tyson died and when Annabeth died (they both resurrected though okay) and all that stuff, I didn’t feel anything. And especially the fight with Polyphemus which was too short and not that much action for my liking. Normally, I would have felt sadness or happiness or whatever but idk, maybe the books ruined the movie for me or something but I really did not feel anything. I even liked the Lightning Thief better but like, you know, I haven’t read the book at that point.

Even with the Kronos part. I didn’t feel anger or madness or confused, I just sort of felt surprised and watched (i didn’t even tell my sister that it was not in the book haha). Although when he ate Luke, I was like “WHAAAAAT” when Luke was supposed to be his right arm or something. Idk how Luke will forgive Kronos or anything. And I honestly think they killed (or not whatever) Luke because if you know, the movie does not turn out successfully (again), at least we would have a wee bit of closure.

I loved the beginning and the middle but the ending was just, you know, kind of there. No excitement or anything and stuff. I really love movie endings so maybe that’s why I am disappointed (now, not right after). I mean, the only excitement I felt in the ending part was when Thalia would be resurrected! So yeah. The ending kinda sucks. Or maybe because it was soo predictable? Maybe.

Also, Annabeth was a bit annoying for me. I felt little Percabeth feels (if I even felt anything) because, I loved the love-hate stuff and Annabeth just agreed to whatever Percy wants like, “No Annabeth you have to fight first before giving in”. Also the fact that she was too dependent on Percy in the movie degrades her a little because she’s supposed to be really smart and strong and independent, being the daughter of the goddess of wisdom, war and strategies and stuff.

I mean, I didn’t really care about the stuff that they changed. It’s okay. I accept the fact that book and movies doesn’t really have to be closely related to each other. I won’t even really discuss the other stuff because it was okay. I guess I was a little bit surprised with the Kronos part but ya know, that was it.

I love it because it’s part of the series. But the movie and just the movie? Eh, okay.

So all in all, the Sea of Monsters movie was okay. I mean, I would recommend you watch it still but it won’t be one of the memorable movies you’ll watch if the Percy Jackson series doesn’t mean anything to you.


What I have decided to do with this blog (again!)

So, yeah. As you have read, I have changed my mind about what to do here again. I mean, this is a very personal blog so I can do whatever I want and I know that nobody reads this blog, so whatever.

Anyways, I have decided that this will be something where I can vent or share or whatever. And not book “reviews” because well, idk how to do reviews, hence, the quotation marks. I would just ya know, post here about what I thought about the book with no formality and all that (although the two previous “reviews” was not formal at all).

I decided to write here today because i read some girl’s wordpress, just to make that clear. HAHAHA.

I also thought about it a lot and I have now come to conclusion (i said the phrase “come to conclusion” because I noticed if i say “decided” one more time [not including this decided and also this], I will now have said way too many of that word [okay i think I’m the only one who gets me now]) that I will not do any more “xD”s and stuff. Okay? We good? Good.

I also want to make a story but I always do not have enough motivation to go through with it once I’ve started. So that does not go well.

Personal Book Review #2: time between us

For my second review, I’ll be reviewing the book entitled Time Between Us by Tamara Ireland Stone.

So I read my first review and I forgot to put the author of the book. It’s Kate Myers.

And as you have read, I added personal to the title ’cause I felt like this isn’t the right way to review a book but it is for me, so yeah.


I have one advice for you: get ready for an emotional rollercoaster. Well, it was for me.


Do you know that feeling where there’re two persons you want to end up so badly and after a matter of time, they did and you’re so elated you can’t even? Well for me, that feeling magnifies when the two persons are from a book I’m reading. Like, REALLY MAGNIFIES to the highest level possible. Hmmmm, let me think of popular fictional characters that’re like that… OH! Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. Potterheads reading had to endure the pain of waiting until the seventh book, where they finally kissed and got out of denial land!


Well I felt that.


Also hatred but not that much. Love, I also felt that. Sorrow, I felt that so much I doubted I can ever live the same way again. Just kidding, but it’s true I felt that. Lastly, sadness which is…… sad. 


Yes, Time Between US was a really good book. Also, I am in love with Bennet Cooper. A flawed person but a really sweet man, that’s what I love. A flawed person loving all the flaws of another flawed person, perfect. 


I noticed, I am in love with almost every fictional guy character in almost every book I have ever read. Is that wrong? NAH.





Book Review #1: The Vanishing Game

Sooooooooooo, this is my first official book review! Well not really official official, but you know what I mean. And I’ll start with the most recent book I read, The Vanishing Game.

The Vanishing Game. I like this book (but well I like almost all books I’ve read, I choose well, yes). It’s really creepy and weird, in an I Don’t Know kind of way. I really don’t know what I felt while reading but it’s a really good book.

It has good (and eerie) plot twists which are good ’cause without plot twists, what will a book be? The last part, was the part which really creeped me out, though. It was when Jocey discovered the truth about her missing twin Jack.

The clues Jason December gave, on the other hand, was a really good element ’cause it can challenge the readers but if the reader is like me, I won’t solve the clues because I really wanted to know the answer (I’m a curious person, can you blame me?).

Another element I loved was Noah (❤❤❤). As always, I am sucker for romances and it always will affect me. So the romance between Noah and Jocey is a really important part. And Noah is so perfect (Ain’t all fictional characters? Well not everyone).

I seriously don’t have any idea on how to do a book review, just what I think about the book. So you have to forgive for mistakes, okay.